


Deserved

by Halevetica



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Apologies, Dean Prays, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Destiel - Freeform, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Leviathan - Freeform, M/M, Post 15x08, Purgatory, Sassy Castiel (Supernatural), season 15 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-18 09:30:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21841963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halevetica/pseuds/Halevetica
Summary: When Cas and Dean venture back to Purgatory in search of the Leviathan flower, Cas finds himself in a compromising position forcing Dean to say things long overdue.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 108





	Deserved

*Season 15 spoilers*

Dean stepped into purgatory with Cas on his heels. The angel was much more unhappy with returning. Dean, though he would never admit it, missed the simplicity that purgatory came with. Kill or be killed. No right or wrong. No benefit of the doubt. No innocents caught in the crossfire.

"You stay close, you hear?" Dean practically growled in Cas' direction.

"It would be easier if we split up," Cas responded just as gruffly.

"No," Dean snapped perhaps a bit too quickly.

"I have no intention of staying behind if that's what you're worried about," Cas' eyes scanned the familiar dull woods. He had not missed this place at all.

"We stick together, period," Dean refused to argue this any further.

Cas only huffed in response, clearly not in the mood to argue either. It seemed to be all he and Dean did, what little they actually spoke anyway.

The two started into the woods, not knowing where to even begin to find a Leviathan flower.

"Do you recall any kind of flowers from last time we were here?" Dean asked Cas, his eyes refusing to look at the angel.

"I was a bit too busy running for my life," Cas snapped. He didn't mean to be so snappy. But he and Dean weren't in a good place and being back here was a reminder of how much he'd messed up. Dean was right, it's all he did. Maybe he should stay behind, do more penance. He glanced at Dean. Cas wondered if Dean would even care. The request to stick together gave Cas hope, but he recalled the night Cas left the bunker. Dean didn't care about him, he cared what Cas could do for him. Of course he couldn't do mich with his grace so low. Cas dismissed the idea of staying behind, even if Dean didn't care, he knew he still wouldn't let Cas stay. He and Sam needed all the help they could get in taking down Chuck. That's why he'd returned after all. What was the point of returning if he was just going to leave again?

Dean didn't respond to Cas, instead he rolled his eyes and kept going. His bone blade was familiar in his hands. He wondered if Benny was around.

Without thinking, Dean let out a melodic whistle. It was something Benny used to do.

"What are you doing?" Cas hissed, his eyes going wide as he heard rustling in the woods.

"Look, we don't know where in the he-purgatory- we're going. Benny knows this place like the back of his hand. If we can find him, we have a better chance of finding this flower. We don't even know what it looks like," Dean whistled again.

"You're going to attract unwanted attention," Cas glared at the back of Dean's head. The hunter didn't notice.

"I'm fine with that," Dean spun his blade in hand.

Cas wanted to remind Dean that he was low on grace and would be less helpful than last time, but he let the silence fall over them. However, it didn't last as two unfamiliar monsters breached the shadows, claws and teeth at the ready.

Cas let his angel blade drop into his hand as Dean took off the head of the first monster. Just as the second was about to lash out at Dean, Cas jabbed his blade through it's skull.

Cas glared at Dean as if to say, 'I told you so', but Dean averted his gaze. The two hadn't made proper eye contact in weeks. They barely spoke to one another.

Dean let out another whistle.

"Dean, I don't think your vampire is coming," Cas snapped. He hated to think his tone sounded jealous, but Cas would be lying if he said Benny and Dean's relationship didn't put him on edge.

"Then what do you suggest we do, Cas?" Dean turned to face the angel.

Blue eyes avoided green ones. "The next monster we find, we interrogate. Surely someone other than Benny knows this place."

"What's wrong with Benny?" Dean demanded; his tone almost offended.

"Other than the fact that we don't know where he is? Nothing," Cas snapped again, his eyes coming up.

This time green eyes avoided blue.

"We can trust Benny. I don't trust anyone else."

"Benny is a vampire."

"Benny is the only one that's never let me down. Never lied to me. Never left me. I trust him with my life, vampire or not." The words were out before Dean could stop to think about what he was saying.

Cas stiffened.

Guilt washed over Dean. It seemed like every time Dean spoke, he was saying something to hurt Cas. Adam's words repeated in Dean's head.

'Since when do we get what we deserve?'

Dean hadn't missed the way his youngest brother's eyes slid towards Cas after he said that. Dean knew Cas didn't deserve to be treated the way he was by Dean and yet the hunter did nothing to fix it.

Cas only continued deeper into the woods.

Dean continued to whistle along the way. Only a handful of monsters attacked.

None claimed to know where the Leviathan flower was.

"We're wasting time," Cas huffed as Dean turned from the freshly beheaded werewolf.

Just then a familiar whistle could be heard. Dean perked up.

Cas tensed.

Three monsters emerged from the thick of the woods, unfortunately none of them were Benny.

Cas went for one, while Dean lashed out at the other two.

One, a vampire, was just about to take a bite out of Dean's neck when a thwack sounded. Blood spurted across Dean's face.

As the head slid off, Dean was met with the familiar crystal blue eyes of Benny.

"I thought I recognized that whistle," Benny grinned.

Dean only grinned back before embracing the vampire.

"What the hell are you doing back here?" Benny asked, his eyes darting towards Cas next.

"We need a flower," Dean responded.

"Now it's been a while, but if I'm not mistaken there's a florist or two topside," Benny raised a brow.

"A Leviathan flower. We need it for a spell to trap God," Cas cut in, his tone less than amused.

"God you say? What the hell have you gotten yourselves into?" Benny shook his head.

"It's one hell of a mess," Dean shook his head.

"Well lucky for you, I came across one once. Nasty things, deadlier than half the monsters here. I'll take you to 'em."

Dean clapped Benny on the arm, "Thanks, man."

"Anytime, brother," Benny winked before starting into the woods.

Cas tried to hide the annoyance he felt, but was sure he failed when Benny tossed a glance his way and asked, "You alright there, feathers?"

"We're wasting time," Cas repeated his earlier statement, his eyes landing on Dean briefly.

Dean once again averted his gaze.

Benny glanced between the two curiously but didn't question it.

As Dean and Cas followed Benny, Dean caught Benny up on the current issues up top.

"Man, sounds like a real mess you got yourselves. Makes me glad I'm here," Benny smirked at Dean.

Dean's eyes softened, "It's good to see you again, Benny. When Sam told me you stayed behind..." he trailed off.

"I'm sorry I left you, I just...I was no good up there," Benny looked apologetic.

"Hey," Dean put a hand on Benny's shoulder, stopping them briefly. "You didn't leave me. You saved Sammy, I'll always be in debt to you. I'm just sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me." That had been a guilt that weighed heavily on his shoulders.

"If you two are quite done, we've only got three hours before our door back home closes," Cas cut in sharply. How was it that Dean would be so open and honest and forgiving with Benny but not with him?

"Sorry, hot wings, forgot you were there," Benny winked at Cas who only glared in return.

"There's a smattering of the flower your lookin' for just up that cliff there, it's a bit of a climb but it's doable," Benny gestured up at a large rock face.

"Alright, I'll head up," Dean went to go, when Benny stopped him.

"Let me go first, that way if there's trouble at the top, you ain't gotta worry."

"Alright, Cas you stay here, keep an eye out," Dean ordered. There was no need for all of them to climb up.

Benny and Dean made it most of the way up with little issue, however, moments before they breached the top, a familiar sound made Cas turn.

"Dean."

The hunter was too far out of earshot.

"Dean," Cas yelled, but still no answer.

"Forgive me, Dean," Cas whispered as he pulled out his angel blade and darted away from the cliff.

Leviathan were coming and he couldn't risk Dean's life. Dean was in no position to fight, hanging from the side of the cliff.

When Dean glanced over the edge, his heart dropped. Cas was gone.

"Cas," Dean yelled, but there was no answer. "Damn it," Dean turned to Benny. "Get me those flowers please, I gotta find him."

Benny only nodded, as Dean headed back over the cliff's edge.

At the bottom, he scanned for the angel.

"Cas."

No answer.

"Castiel."

Still nothing.

Dean's chest constricted. Where the hell had he gone? Was he in trouble? Had he been intending to ditch Dean this entire time?

Anger swelled in Dean. This is what he hated. Not knowing if Cas would be back. Not trusting that Cas hadn't left him.

"Damn it, Cas," Dean ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

"No sign of him?" Benny asked, having reached the bottom of the cliff.

Dean's face pulled into a pained expression.

"Let me guess, you ain't leavin' without him?" Benny smirked knowingly at Dean.

Dean closed his eyes, his hands reaching up into his hair and tugging harshly.

'Cas,' before Dean knew it, he was praying, 'I don't know where the hell you went but I need you to come back to me, you hear? I don't care how pissed at me you are. I need you.'

Cas froze at the familiar tug at his mind as Dean's voice broke through. Dean was praying to him. Dean hadn't prayed to him in...too long.

The distraction gave the Leviathan a chance to swing, throwing Cas into a nearby tree. His head smacked the large trunk, dizzying him slightly.

'Please Cas, don't do this to me again.'

Cas wanted to answer. Wanted to tell him that he was close by, but he knew Dean wouldn't hear.

'I'm sorry.'

The apology was more of a hit than anything the Leviathan's threw at him.

'I'm so sorry and I promise if you come back, I'll make this right. I'll fix it. Just come back to me, Cas.'

Cas barely saw the incoming attack from the leviathan, his own blade in her hand. She lashed out, grazing Cas' side.

He threw her back causing her to drop the blade. He grabbed it just as the second Leviathan attacked. He shoved it through it's skull.

Dean opened his eyes, hoping with everything he had that Cas would be there.

"Dean," Benny frowned, his eyes set on the woods.

Dean turned to Benny.

"I smell blood, but it ain't monster."

Dread and panic washed over Dean. "Cas."

What if Cas was dead? What if Dean never got to apologize? Rowena's words echoed in his head.

"I don't have many regrets, but the few I do still haunt me. Then one day, your die, you go to hell, and you can't make it right."

Dean already had so many, many regrets, he didn't want Cas to be one of them.

"Dean," Benny stepped forward, causing Dean's eyes to snap towards the sound of shuffling in the underbrush.

"Cas," The name punched out of Dean in relief.

The angel was gripping his side, as he stumbled forward.

Dean rushed to the angel's side, catching him as he almost fell over.

"Cas, what the hell happened?" Dean demanded; his tone more worried than angry.

"Leviathan. I just wanted to veer them away slightly. You didn't hear me when I tried to call out to you," Cas' breathing was labored as he spoke.

Dean pulled the layers of Cas' coat back to show a fairly deep cut along the side of his torso. "Can you heal yourself?"

"Not-not here," Cas' grace was low as it was, but it was always worse in purgatory.

"We gotta get you outta here," Dean's arm was around Cas' waist, helping support him.

"The flower," Cas objected.

"Got you covered, feathers," Benny winked showing the blooms tucked carefully into his jacket pocket.

Cas glanced at Dean, "I heard your prayer."

Dean tensed slightly, but didn't remove himself from Cas' side like Cas thought he would.

"I promise we'll talk about this, but first I need to get you back," Dean started towards the direction they'd come.

"There's a beacon of light just a few miles ahead, I'm guessing that's your door?" Benny asked, nodding deeper into the woods.

Dean only nodded.

Benny took the front, as Dean helped Cas along.

"Your grace is really suffering, huh?" Dean asked quietly.

"I tried to tell you," Cas' tone was too pained to be sharp.

"I know, I'm sorry," Dean was sorry. He wasn't just saying it because Cas was hurt. He truly hated the distance between them. It was painful and felt wrong.

When they finally made it back to the rift, they only had about five minutes to spare.

Dean pushed Cas back through before turning to Benny.

"You could come with us," Dean knew the answer, but he had to offer anyway.

"Naw, brother, that life ain't for me. You take care of that angel of yours. I know you don't want to see it, but he cares an awful lot. I don't know what the hell is going on with you two, but ain't nothin' worth givin' up what you two have," Benny smiled at Dean.

Dean pulled Benny into one last hug, "Thank you, again."

Benny carefully handed over the flowers, setting them gently into Dean's hand.

"Don't get the sap from the stem on you, it'll make you sick as a dog."

Dean turned and stepped through the rift, leaving Benny behind.

When he returned, Cas was sitting in one of the chairs. His hand hovered over his own wound.

Dean saw the struggle on Cas' face as he fought to close the gaping flesh.

Finally, the bright light sewed the wounds shut.

Cas looked up at Dean. Their eyes meeting for the first time in days.

Cas dropped them too soon though and Dean felt his stomach knot.

"I meant what I said. I am sorry. I know none of this is your fault, I just... I'm scared and I'm tired of losing people. It's not an excuse, I know that. You're not to blame, you were just there."

Cas looked up at Dean again, his blue eyes sad. "I'm just as scared and tired, Dean. And I'm doing all I can."

"I know, I know you are. And I appreciate it, I do. I know I haven't shown it but, it's easier to be mad than to fix it," Dean dropped his head in shame.

"Then why fix it? Why now? Is it because of what Rowena said?"

Dean looked up, "Partially. It's a lot of things. I don't like the distance between us, I hate it actually."

"But distance is comfortable for you," Cas nodded in understanding.

"Yeah, it is. But not when it comes to you. It's...painful. You're family, Cas."

Cas frowned slightly as if in thought.

"I'm not asking you to forgive me, cause I know it's not that easy, but at least give me a chance to redeem myself."

Cas stood slowly, the tired ache of his bones objecting as he did so. "I will always forgive you, Dean."

A sad smile pulled at Dean's mouth. It was more than he deserved, but since when did they get what they deserved?


End file.
